The following is something written by one of my students in Escondido, “Mia.”

 

 

“When I found out I was pregnant I got scared. All I could think of was all those people I was going to disappoint. My soccer coach had big dreams for me. I knew people were going to talk about me. I always promised everyone I wasn’t going to get pregnant until I was old enough. I went from going to do community service to being too embarrassed to even show up there. I would go to the Boys & Girls Club and do community service. Right before I found out I was pregnant I got the “Youth of the Year” award from the Boys & Girls Club. It was such an honor; I had little kids looking up to me. I had middle schoolers telling me, “Mia”, how did you get to being such a good kid? I held a junior leading position at the Boys & Girls Club. Helping kids learn to be respectful, and help around the Boys & Girls Club. I stopped going; I never showed up there.

 

 

When I finally decided to tell my mom I was pregnant I was about 6 1/2 months pregnant. I was so scared that she was going to kick me out. When I told her she told me “get out of my room, I have to think about how I’m going to support you and your kid.” After that she didn’t speak to me for about 1 week. When we would talk she always tried rubbing things in my face. She would say “you can’t go because you got pregnant.” She would tell me I wasn’t going to graduate. That I was going to be like all the other stupid teen moms. When there were family parties she wouldn’t let me go because she didn’t want the family to know. If she saw a friend or anyone she knew at the store she would make me go into the bathroom till they left. When I had doctor appointments my mom would make me walk there. I would walk about 6 miles 2 times a week. When I would walk around on campus people would stare and say that I was s*** because I was pregnant. When my family found out I was pregnant they started calling me a low life. I was called a “loser, trash, a nobody, waste of skin.” My mom’s brothers and sisters would even look at me really bad. It got so bad that I got into a depression. My boyfriend’s mom would always say “oh, he needs to graduate, he needs his rest.” Not once she thought about what I needed. At this time my dad did not know because he wasn’t living with me. When I told him I was 8 months pregnant and he got mad, but not too mad.

 

 

When I was in labor every time I would get a pain my mom would sit there and laugh at me. After I had her my mom started acting like she was hers. She started telling me I wasn’t a good mom, that I would never be as good as her. Also, she would threaten me of taking my baby away from me. She always finds a chance to put me down. If I tell her one of my dreams she’ll say “no, you’ll never get that, you’re a low life, a loser, you’re not smart enough.” If my baby cries she says “What did you do to her, I hope they take her from you.” She also says you can leave my house, but the baby stays here. The other day I told her I was going to Valley to graduate and she said, “no, you’re going to stay at San Pasqual and be a super senior so you and everyone can see you’re a loser.” But my mom is smart when she talks to others, she likes to brag about me. But around me, I’m not good enough. I have an older sister and she’s constantly getting in trouble and my mom always says she’s the best. That I should be just like her, which gets me sad because I’ve tried my hardest, and it’s still not good enough. But every morning I don’t think about all the bad things people say about me because the 2 people I care about is my baby and my boyfriend. I just want to say lots of you take advantage of the mom you have; some people don’t have a mom like yours. Take care of her because she is the one who always going to be there. I would do anything to have a mom that tells me I’m awesome; the one who cares about me because right now all she cares about is her boyfriend.”

 

NOTE: Rachel Asman is the Cal-SAFE coordinator at San Pasqual High School in Escondido.

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TY

When I got pregnant I was really afraid of telling anyone. The only person who I could trust was my boyfriend. I was really worried about what my parents were going to say. I knew they would be very disappointed in me and I didn't want them to be. So I waited until I was 5 months to admit to my mom I was pregnant. Although they already had an idea because a baby bump is not so easy to hide.

darla

Sorry to say but that is no mother , i know it must have been in a tough position but that doesnt matter a mother forgives and helps you through everything because shes your mom. but dont let that bring you down your are the best mom you can bee and do things for you andf your daughter, because even if your mom doesnt tell yu she is proud let her be but know that yur daughter is very proud of yu and so are all of us . your a great and a great mom keep it up dont let nobody bring you , yu just look at the bright side of things and know that you are doing godd.

Lovely DLc

i think every mother gets dissapointed cus we became teen mothers. thats definitly normal though, my mom was upset also but every mom acts different but im sure deep, down in her heart she loves you ! i know it ! and your doing an amazing job dont every worry about it , your baby is going to be very proud of you !!!!! words are hurtfull but do not let them bring you down !!!

elvia

Well Am Really Surprise But At The End Your Mom Really Loves You And Cares About You Am Telling You This Because My Moms Is The Same With Me But I've Seen And People Have Told Me She Really Does Care About You And Loves You She Just Wont's The Best For You She May Be Showing It Too You The Wrong Way But She Does . When She Say's Those Things Just Ignored Her And Tell Yourself Am Gonna Be Someone In Life And Am Gonna Prove Those People Wrong:)

faith

I understand this is a really tough thing to go through, but also understand that there are many out there who really care about you & love you! It is harsh to know that mom's can actually be this way & turn their back on you automatically, but always remember about your loved ones who are your biggest supporters.

calsafeesco

Yes, and surround yourself with others who will support you in your goals. Even though parents may not be there to support all the time during the hard times, they are usually there to celebrate when achievements are accomplished. I hope this is the case for Mia and you.

Flower

Well every teen thinks differntly because we all have differnt opions or we see things differntly. I wouldn't judge if I havn't gone through it.

calsafeesco

Being mad is a feeling that mom had, she needed to express it, then move forward. Staying mad does not do anything for anyone except keep everyone stuck...

calsafeesco

Yes! Work hard and achieve your goals, even without her help and support. Find people in your life who will support you and you will succeed. Stay motivated and persistent! Then teach your child how to be resilient and be there for her when she needs you...

calsafeesco

It is difficult to think of someone as being a mother who would not be there to support their child. As your child grows and matures remember your own advice and try to be there for him and not judge, but lovingly discipline and it's okay to make your opinion known, but holding it against your child doesn't help anyone.

daisy

your mom is probably still disappointed but she shouldnt bring you down. a real mom is always there for their child even if they have done something bad , a mom is always there no matter what they have done. dont give up on graduating i know you can graduate from valley prove your mom and everybody else wrong . you can always achieve in life (:

Alex

Many People Have Their Own Opinions But At The End Of The Day She Is Your Mother And Although She May Not Show It She Loves You very Much Shes Just Hurt Because She Knows What Being A Mom Is Like Eventually Shell Get Over It And Let You Know What A Great Job Your Doing .

Yvette

Thats a bad mom but at the same time I think that the mom was so mad because probably she wanted something better for you. Try to achieve your goals & graduate don't let anyone put you down because you know that you'll prove them wrong.

desire

your mom is probably disappointed still however dont give up go to valley and graduate and show her you are worth more and can achieve much more. Graduate your high school and don't give up keep moving forward for your daughter and your future.

fany

OMG i do not consider her a ''mother'' because a mother is one that helps you and support you in your decisions and everything that you decide. now i know i am lucky to have a mother that helps me in everything even when she knows that is not her responsability because i do not live with her anymore and am an adult